- Saw my last blog entry was like 2009, its been 2 years since I last blog. Guess this is still the best place where I can shout my " thought" out. Year 2010 to 2011 changed me a lot as a person, too many things happened in life. Well, I think at every phrase of life there's always a lot of things happening. From completing my bible school studies to now that I backslide, what really happened to me? I felt the tug of war between my flesh and the spirit in me this morning, was in church serving, after not attending almost 4 mth of church. God's presence is awesome totally, I almost cried serving. Listening to the sermon, enjoying the praise and worship it's just too AWESOME! Though of me returning back to my cell group which I know they will welcome me back with their arms open wide, however just as I was thinking about it, thought and images of how they have hurt me badly emotionally. It reminded me the reason why did I felt them months ago, even now if I were to think about it or talk about it, my eyes will still turn watery red. Enough of that before I start crying in my room again -.-
- Next big thing that happened to me, is that I am being dumped ! well this happened like last month, but it still feel as though it was just yesterday. It's really time I need to move on, this is one of the shortest rls but yet it hurts me the longerest, maybe due to the fact that I was not the one willing to let it go. Now that I understand the guys feeling when the gers demand for a breakup. The funniest think was that he mention to me that he was quite afraid getting into a rls at first cos he was badly hurt in his pervious rls, and now that fact that he is actually the one that hurt me badly. Up to now, I really do not know anymore what is the reason I still holds on to him, is it because I still got feeling for him or is it because of anger, bitterness and ego that he DUMPED me. haha There is a saying "time will heal the hurt", well lets hope so it apply to me soon.
- Finally, I am still stuck with my life, not knowing what I want to do. Felt quite of sad as for someone my age (ahem, not very old though), I am still walking and moving aimlessly in life. Is it casue I am still playful in life? There is more than 101 things I want to try and do in life, none of them is work aspect though. Being the youngest at home, I always take my only brother as my role model, however, he is a higly motivated person, highly driven by his goals and work which made him quite successful in life. My brother and I are only 3 years apart but the accomplilshment of me comparing to his is totally DIFFERENT. Though my parent always ask me not to compare myself with my borther, but how not to? where everone is so proud of him and yet I am still like slacking around Woot, to sum up all my complaint. I felt that I lost the "Lynn" in the past, the Lynn that is also highly motivated and higly seld driven. This new me who are formed due to the surrounding infleunces, circumstanse and situation is not a very likeable person. To the extend that I dont even know why I did a certain things or make a certain decision. I am kind of getting afraid of myself too. I cannot sink in it anymore, I shall not self pity and keep nursing my wound. Just in case I might sink even deeper due to my current siutation I decided to disappeare awhile, need to go up my " mountain" to mediate and to find me true self again.
I need to change,
I need a break through in life,
I need a shocking element.
Have you wonder why something you are not able to locate a thing you searching for, which makes you frustrate about it and when you are not looking for it, it will "JUST" appear infront of you? The same logic applies to when you waiting for a cab and also for the Mr Right to appear in your life. 
